I’ve probably mentioned this before at some point over the years so it is no secret how I feel about my grandparents on my mother’s side. Sure there were many good times but sadly became tarnished over time by the bad moments. My grandfather was a violent, evil hearted man and my grandmother was as two-faced as they came. Grandpa, who we all called papa, would love to start arguments with me. He would also talk down to me a lot instead of building me up. When little he would trick me into saying bad words and then yell at me when I would say those words. He would also talk shit about my father despite my father never being anything other than a good man trying his best in the world with the cards dealt to him. Always threatened to hit me. My grandmother, called ma, wasn’t much better often telling me I’d never amount to anything “like my father”, she would talk trash about the kids in the neighborhood I once called friends without even knowing anything about them, and when she would have to punish me for acting up as all kids do from time to time she would announce it to everyone around and laugh her ass off about it. Nothing I did was ever right. Both of my grandparents also had the audacity to take advantage of my youthful ignorance and blindsided me during a time of grief, and tricked me out of money my recently deceased uncle had left me. They told me my uncle left money in my name to pay for funeral expenses and burial and had me sign it over to them. Like yeah looking back after the fact, if that were true he wouldn’t have put the money in my name, but at 20 years old with no real world experience, I had no clue at the time, and how could someone who supposedly love me do me wrong? As for why my parents didn’t step in was my mom was always afraid of them. And the cherry on top for me was when they decided to sell the house my family lived in to my asshole uncle, totally ignoring an agreement made with my parents that the house was to go to them after paying rent for so many years. Over my short lifetime I silently observed everything that went on, and didn’t like any of it. Nobody thinks children never pay attention, but never underestimate a quiet child. So yeah, you can see why I do not partake in all the grandparent worship that goes on when the anniversary of their births, anniversary, or deaths come about and everyone posts on Facebook how supposedly awesome they were and how they were the glue that held the family together. If a family really wanted to stay together they don’t need “glue”.
Anyways, the other day I was chatting with my mother while on walkabout. It started out as the normal catching up with what’s going on with the both of us, then got on to the subject of my dad as his birthday was a few days ago and what would have been my parents’ wedding anniversary was a couple days after that. If you believe at all in “soul mates” and “twin flames”, my parents were definitely twin flames, and were inseparable once they first met. Of course the conversation meandered into the territory of her wishing they had been able to do more and go places, which led to talking about her parents. My grandparents pretty much had my mom as a slave, always at their beck and call well into adulthood until their deaths. My grandparents were very much able bodied well into their late 70s so there was no reason for this. They never learned how to drive a car despite the fact that papa helped build cars for a living. My mom never owned a car in her life, but once she was old enough to drive my grandparents bought a car and pretty much had mom as a taxi service. After she got married and had kids, she was still forced to be available to taxi them wherever whenever. She was told she could use the car to take the kids to school but she had to be available to them all other times no questions asked. Mom told me a time when shortly after her and dad got married, they drove my grandparents down south (visiting relatives I’m guessing). Instead of sitting around bored while her parents were visiting who they were visiting, her and my dad decided to take off for a couple of hours. When they returned, my grandparents were furious, telling her that her job was to bring them down to their destination and that was it. My mom was an adult at this point, and married! My grandparents were always giving ultimatums. I can understand putting up with abuse as a kid (as my mom did) because you don’t know any different and parents are gods to their children therefore there is no choice, but to be treated like that as an adult would be a deal breaker for me. I asked my mom why she put up with that and she claims she had no choice. So yeah my grandparents are pretty much the reason why we never went on family trips of any sort. My grandparents owned the house I grew up in, and when they reneged on their agreement to give the house to my parents and instead sold it out from under them to my uncle, they told my mom that she and I could move in with them but my father would not be welcomed. She for once stood up for herself there and said she would not be leaving her husband and ended up going to live with my dad’s mother while I moved in with my sister and her boyfriend. Through all that and quite possibly more, as my grandfather was a very violent alcoholic when she was young, my mom still says she loves them dearly and misses them. WTF??? How can you possibly love people that horrible? Your dad beats you when you’re a kid, they both have you at their beck and call preventing you from having any sort of life, still somehow hold sway over you in your adulthood, talks trash about your husband and his family to your daughters, always trying to pick a fight with your youngest daughter probably because she more closely resembles her father and tells her she’ll never amount to anything, takes money gifted to your daughter away from her, lie and manipulate, have you living in fear of them all your life, kick you out of your home, steals stuff from your home they took from you before you can fully vacate all of your belongings while your daughter is away at work so she can’t say anything, and you love these people??? This is something that I cannot comprehend. Sorry mom I can’t love so blindly as I did when I was a child no matter who they are. To me my mother’s parents are forever a stain upon my ancestry.
Lair of the Dark Phoenix 