I want my life and dreams back dammit.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How did I get stuck here. I never wanted to be here. Never in a million years. How the hell did this happen?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sometimes You Want to Slap Them

This may be too personal of information, I’m not sure, but I just got to get my frustration out somehow.

Let’s be clear, I am not into abusing anyone physically or mentally, but sometimes I just want to slap some sense into my mother. Again I would never actually do this. I love my mum to bits despite her faults, but sometimes it’s the child’s turn to give advice to the parent. Sucky thing is, they don’t want to listen even when it’s good advice. Right now she’s getting a double whammy because she has refused to listen to both my sister and myself and I’m not really sure what to do about it because it’s like talking to a frikkin’ wall.

First one involves her health. She is no spring chicken. She is in constant pain and can barely move. Of course this leads to her obesity even though she does not eat a lot. She also has had diabetes for at least 20 years now I think. We have been telling her for years now since she moved in with my sister that she cannot remain a sedentary hermit because that will stiffen the joints and weaken the muscles and make the pain worse. For a little while she was doing fine but now all she does is stay in her room where the only exercise she gets is walking to the bathroom. And now it’s gotten so bad that she can barely move. It really hurts me to see her this way. It’s like she has totally given up on everything since my dad died back in 2011.

Secondly, and this I have warned her against ever since she started to dabble with the internet, she sent some money to an online friend she has only known for a few months. This guy, whose story I don’t believe for an instance, is supposedly originally from the U.S. but lives in France but travels the world building things. In classic take-advantage-of-a-lonely-old-widow move, he declares his love for my mother and says that there is no other and blah blah blah. He tells her he is in desperate need of a couple hundred bucks for some building materials for one of his jobs, she sends him some. *MEGA FACEPALM* Hello mom, he travels around the world doing his job, he can afford it. Not long after, he calls and tells my mom that he needs money to get back to the States to visit his son in the hospital. My brother in law and I told her she better not even think about it, that this sounds awfully fishy. She told the guy no, he begs but she keeps telling him no. I’m scared that no may turn to yes eventually, which is bad considering my mother is on a very fixed and limited income. She’s poor and living on whatever the government allows her, which is not a lot.

Sometimes I just…I don’t know. I know I have my own issues and don’t need her issues being added to mine but it gets a bit hard to not let it get to you when it’s your own parent who you happen to care about. She’s always been a bit naive I suppose, combined with her father’s stubbornness. Think I’ll go bury my face into a pillow and just scream my bloody head off. Yay, a bit more stress for me…LOVELY! Think I may end up going into an early grave even if I don’t do it myself.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

That Lonely Feeling

Detroit. It has been going through rough times over the past several decades, and throughout its history has risen and fell and got back up again. It still has a heartbeat and is actually slowly coming back to life after so many years of neglect. Go downtown or midtown and you wouldn’t think it had problems at all (any more than any other big city). It’s vibrant and busy with its casinos, sports venues, street musicians, theatres and museums. Go further from the city center, and it’s quite different. There are pocket neighborhoods where all seems normal still, but in other areas it is like some abandoned ghost town you see in scary movies. Neighborhoods that fell victim to the flight to the suburbs that has been happening since the 1950s. Driving past these areas at night gives one a sense of loneliness. All is dark and empty, and can be a bit spooky. One such section is on the northeast side, which I pass by whenever I visit my sister living up in Eastpointe, just on the other side of the Detroit border. Passing through, I often think about how much I would hate for my car to break down out there.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

I never got to do what I originally set out to do in life. Had a plan since I was a child, but everything and everyone got in my way and stopped me, or shoved me in other directions. I hate it with every breath I take.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Don’t Even

The fastest way to get me to not want to be around a person or stop being someone’s friend or hang up the phone on someone is to ask me for money. Unless you are a legitimate charity, never ever do this.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Science Experiment in the Hallway

Remember dear readers the post last week about the chatty cleaning person subbing for the regular lady at work? Well I’m not sure if he is going to last long. Last week Wednesday, I cleared out the spare fridge in one of the building’s hallways. There was leftover food from like a month ago still in there which was about to evolve into a life form all its own therefore needing to be tossed. There is a big trash can next to this fridge which is where I threw out all of this old crap before it decided to mount an attack. I happened to look into the trash can this evening as I went to that fridge, and luckily I have a somewhat weak sense of smell since the food I threw out last week was still sitting in the can in a mildly warm hallway. Yeah, this is another of those moments of EWW! This isn’t the only show of incompetence but definitely the grossest. Time to complain to his supervisors.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment