Things We Do Out Of Desperation

Not something I want but it had to be done and hopefully something better and more along my path comes soon. After a long drought of no responses to the many applications I’ve submitted, I’ve finally got a job. Months ago I even started looking for stuff outside of my field on the advice of a friend who told me to just start applying anywhere and everywhere. Not my taste but okay. Finally got contacted for a job that is probably as far away from tv production as one can get. And yes, I have been trying to find jobs in the tv production field but most only want freelancers or people who have their own equipment which if I had my own equipment, I would be making my own stuff already and probably getting paid for it. Not sure what I’m doing wrong though but never any callbacks. So have a job, albeit temporary, as a car tester / evaluator. Before you go “Oh cool as hell!”, let me tell you it’s not. First of all, I may like looking at the pretty cars and admiring the power of said pretty cars but I know nothing about the mechanics. I pay people to do my car maintenance for me, I don’t care call me “princess” if you like. Secondly, it’s apparently long hours driving which I cannot stand doing unless it’s on a picture perfect day and I’m free to make as frequent stops as I want wherever I want and have someone in the car with me. Third, I have extreme anxiety attacks when driving in the dark in snow or rain on top of a bridge phobia. Fourth, other drivers sometimes drive totally crazy. So why did I apply? I didn’t know about the long monotonous hours of driving, neither did my friend obviously then again he’s done long hours of driving before. And I was desperate for work, bills need to be paid somehow.

The downside of all of this is hours are not guaranteed and according to coworkers this is not a job to live off of. Right now they are in a busy time but soon the days of work may get few and far between, which is not good. Another downside is that when putting in a full day’s work, there is not much time to pursue my creative endeavors which makes all of this all the more soul crushing. My friend says I’ll be fine but no, I won’t be as this is not my path. The hours also don’t leave much for life. 3:00 pm ’til midnight or longer isn’t very conducive to having a life. I know as I have worked that shift for many years running master control at the cable tv station I worked at back before it went to mostly file based operations. My hours at least varied occasionally when I had a production to be on. Their morning shift at this place is just as bad as they start at 4:00 am usually which sounds okay to most people but when you think how tired you are after a long drive, you don’t have much energy for anything and you end up sleeping shortly after being done.

Still searching for work in the field of tv/video production since that is where all my training is and hope I can find one soon. Acting and filmmaking would be better as that is what I really want and need to be doing but never raised enough money for training and all the other stuff needed but that fire still burns in me after all these years and it’s killing me that I’m not there yet. Most of those production jobs though seem to be out of state and I’m kind of stuck in the metro Detroit area for now and cannot afford to move away. Seems I keep getting further and further away from my dreams. If anyone out there knows of anything or can hook me up with some connections it would be greatly appreciated.

About DarkPhoenix

I am an open book. My pages are just stuck together.
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