Others’ Lack of Passion Can Be Draining

One of my former coworkers gave me a possible job lead to check out. She contacted someone she used to work with years ago who is now working at a local municipal access station and apparently they said they could use another hand. I should have been more cautious of course as this was coming from the person who pulled me back into the company years ago that I ended up getting stuck in. She was enthusiastically selling this guy and making municipal access sound more exciting than it really is, so I told her I’ll check it out. She gives me no specifics of course, just tells me to call or email the guy.

About a week after I email this person, I finally get a reply by email asking me to call him for details. You know how you can sometimes get certain vibes from a person just by hearing them talk for the first time? He didn’t sound evil or creepy or nothing bad like that, but there was just something telling me that this guy wouldn’t really be my type of boss. Upon asking him for specifics, since my ex-coworker gave me none, he informs me that the job is freelance use-me-if-he-needs-me, no guaranteed amount of hours per week, and pay is only once a month, and no benefits. Already not a good sign. Also, just the way he talks shows no passion, but maybe he was having one of those days so I gave him the benefit of a doubt. Definitely more of a side gig thing than an actual pay the bills job.

On Monday, I went over to his office. He said he would be there around 6ish. Yes, 6ish. He apparently has his own time that he runs on, which depending on what’s going on is not always bad. I’ve been known for my “ishes” if I know it’s going to be a slow day or I have no pressing engagements. Shoots I’m always early for though. Anyways, I get there and all the doors are locked. His office is in the city’s municipal building so they probably have an automatic door lock time, no biggy. I call to see if he’s there so that he could let me in but he does not answer the phone. I wait for a few minutes because hey, sometimes things take us away from our phones. I call again about 5 minutes later, still no answer so I leave a message. About 10 minutes after that I call again, no answer. He finally calls me back around 6:25 and I told him he needs to let me in because the doors are locked. That and it was a very cold night. He was very nonchalant about everything, not very formal. He showed me around his equipment for shooting the council meetings, which they were doing one that night, as well as some other stuff he takes care of. I got to mess about briefly with the camera controls and Tricaster and even sat in on the council meeting broadcast for a bit.

He continued to explain stuff to me, but I could tell this guy had no passion or drive and is just counting his years to retirement. The vibes I was getting was quite saddening and all I can think about is how could I work for someone who has no spark? At my previous job, all of my coworkers had lost their drive and passion years ago, which I believe is what dragged me down and got me stuck there. When I first went back to the company I worked for previously, there was still some passion but unfortunately with all of the corporate meddling and yearly budget cuts and layoffs that passion faded as I have stated in a previous post. Unfortunately one person with fiery passion cannot do much when everyone else’s above her has faded. It drains the spirit. I want the fire within me to swell once again. That cannot happen if I’m under an energy sapper.

The ex-coworker who gave me the lead told me last month that sometimes one has to take a step backwards in order to move forward. I’ve been taking steps backwards since 2005, I am not getting any younger, I cannot afford to keep going backwards. It’s time I start moving forward finally.

About DarkPhoenix

I am an open book. My pages are just stuck together.
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