Can’t Be Helped

I know I can be a downer, and I never mean to bring others down or make them feel bad, I sometimes just need to vent. I wasn’t always so bad. Growing up I was a lot like Tigger from the old Winnie the Pooh stories, always bouncing too and fro and thinking positive in the face of all the negativity that was hurled towards me. Then during my high school years I turned into more of an Eeyore type as everyone in school, church, and even some family members repeatedly knocked me down mentally though deep inside I would still tell myself I would someday get through it and be the person I was supposed to become. I hid in my shell then tried to step out and revive my inner Tigger only to get shoved back in, so far in I could not find my way back out. As time goes by things seem to get worse and I admit that I’m friggin’ scared! There, I said it! I have failed everyone and everything in my life and as I get older I get further and further away from the true me and it’s scary. I’m probably too old right now. More importantly I failed the 3 year old me who dreamed big and wasn’t going to let anyone stand in her way, and the 8 year old with the stars in her eyes who still conversed with the rising and setting sun and sang to the moon while dancing on the cement stage. But sometimes when you grow up in the situation I did you need good friends, which I had none, nor did I have any like minded person to hang with. No positivity, only the fakeness they feed you yet are unwilling to show the way or at least help you try to find the right path. So no, I am not like this on purpose and no I don’t enjoy it. Best to vent sometimes. bottling it in is one of the worse things you can do. So don’t get freaked out or disgusted with me please, we all need our outlets.

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